Whole30 Diaries: Day 29

What the even heck. We’re on day 29??

Wow, what a journey. I can’t believe we’re almost done. One thing I wont lie about in regards to Whole30 is that it indeed seems impossible at times. (Mostly the first two weeks). Soooo many times our workplaces were filled with doughnuts, pizza, cookies, etc. and we said no. We even went out to eat a few times and stayed compliant. Sam has been really testing me this weekend and asking to get ice cream and pizza etc. (Sometimes he does this stuff just to get under my skin). I have to just take a second to give him more credit though–he has lost so much weight and looks awesome! I’m so proud of him for sticking to this with me, because he really didn’t HAVE to.

I kind of talked about reintroduction last time, but here’s my plan: Wednesday is cheese day. I’m going to eat cheese for bfast lunch and dinner. Then, I’m going to go back to Whole30 for a few days and see what happens. (Hopefully nothing happens) Then I will probably reintroduce grains-few days back to Whole30-then sugar, etc. I don’t really care so much about legumes and alcohol. It kind of stinks that even though we’re ‘done’ I really wont be ‘done’, but I didn’t do this for 30 days to not figure out my triggers. Again, the weight loss part of this was great, but I really did this for my acne.

I would say we’re both in better moods, have a little more energy and are looking good. I will also say that even though I think we pretty much ‘slayed our sugar dragons’, I do miss sweetener in my coffee–I’ve been drinking it black and it’s okay, but I’d much prefer just a lightly sweetened cold brew iced coffee. Personally, I don’t think that’s a sugar craving as much as it is a masking the coffee taste thing.

From here, I think I would definitely do another round. I think Sam would, too honestly. I think we just need to be more strategic about WHEN we do another round. For example, we’re ending this one just in time for my sisters 21st birthday. (YAY!) But we went through Mother’s Day and Cinco de Mayo on this round…  😦 Similarly, summer time is not ideal since we do so much camping, and camping without s’mores is sac-religious. Regardless, I think I will personally try to stick to this as much as I can. It’s crazy to me that from January to April (with maybe a small slump in between)  I was working out 5 days a week–abs everyday, running 1-2 times a week, intense cardio 1-2 times a week and weightlifting in between and I could not shake some of that stubborn body fat. Then, I do this for 30 days and suddenly love how I look in a bikini. Also crazy because out of our family and friends, we’re kind of known as ‘the healthy eaters’. Sure we go out to eat or get some ice cream occasionally, but we cooked dinner almost every night and had a veggie with dinner and brought ‘healthy’ breakfast bars with us to work, etc. It’s just crazy how much SHIT is in processed foods and how much sugar is in EVERYTHING….. (I know, I know, I’ve said that like 80 times)

Stay tuned for progress pictures in the next few days 🙂

Whole30 Diaries: Day 22

Wow, what the heck? We are on our last FULL week of Whole30…..I don’t know how this happened, but we’re almost there! (You guessed it, still no cheese)

Personally, I’m in a much better mindset at this point. I’m no longer thinking “would it be THAT bad if I had half a doughnut?” or “can’t we have ONE cheat meal??”. I have all the meals planned through our last day. I’m no longer craving just a few sips of apple juice, or a fruit bowl. Now it’s more so “hm. a banana sounds good. maybe I’ll have one” Today I got a little ahead of myself and was feeling so energetic I didn’t have any caffeine today….that ended in one of the most painful migraines I’ve ever had. Yesterday, I got 18,000 steps in, payed two games of softball and worked in the yard for a few hours only running off of a cup of tea around 4pm.

I haven’t weighed myself yet, but I’m sure I’ve lost weight. I’ll have progress pictures to post at the end. Sam has lost over 10 lbs in 20 days, with no exercise. CRAZY. Again, for me, the hardest part had been the prep and label scrutinizing. I miss cheese and toast the most. I think Sam misses DQ and beer most. We both have been faced with social situations surronding alcohol, doughnuts, butter, etc. and said no each time. I’m so proud of both of us.

I think some non-compliant mayo messed me up. I bought some thinking it was Whole30 and just didn’t read the label enough. Then I got super sick. It could have been coincidence or maybe the tuna I mixed it in was bad. I’m going to try my hardest to do the reintroduction process properly once this is over to see what my triggers are. Basically, you are supposed to re-introduce one food group at a time (ex: have some dairy for bfast lunch and dinner) then, go back to eating Whole30 for two days and see if/how your’e effected. Did you bloat, breakout, joints start hurting?

One of my neighbors told me I inspired them to give it a try! Super proud of her! It’s not easy, I’ll say that. But it’s possible. And I truly believe it’s possible for everyone. It really actually bugs me when I tell people what I’m doing and they say “I couldn’t do it”. No you COULD. You just don’t want to. It’s a lot of work. And it’s sad sometimes, lol. And you miss cheese and brownies. But it’s doable.

I can’t wait to see my changes on day 30. Like I mentioned, I’ve almost entirely lost my flubby tummy, my hair is super healthy and voluptuous, I have more energy, I’m in a better mood…Definitely getting to the mindset of “this was worth it”.

 

EIGHT MORE DAYS.

Whole30 Diaries: Day 15

So it’s officially the halfway mark! (STILL NO CHEESE)

The craziest part about not having had cheese was last week when my boss took us out to lunch–Carraba’s. FREAKIN’ CARRABA’S. I  cannot tell you how badly I just wanted to get a big bowl of pasta. (Can you hear my heart breaking?) I ended up researching the menu beforehand and got a grilled chicken breast with basil and sun dried tomatoes, and broccoli on the side. I even turned down the warm bread they give you as an app 😦 I’m not gonna lie, I 100% considered cheating. “What if I got the goat cheese that comes with this? It’s not that much cheese…” Sam keeps trying to convince me we need a cheat meal once a week, but that’s just not how this works! I’m really interested to a.) adapt better eating habits b.) see if I truly do have some sort of food intolerance. Sam and I have both been faced with doughnuts, pie, cupcakes, and cookies at work multiple times and have said no….(again, can you hear the heartbreak??)

This week was also difficult as I was suffering from what the W30 people call ‘food fatigue’. Thursday Sam made some really good chili lime chicken and I just couldn’t eat it. The thought of it was literally making me nauseas. Then Friday night I found a recipe for an asian ‘peanut’ zoodle recipe that I was soooo stoked for. As I’m making it, I was thinking about how good it was going to be. I sat down to eat it and again, the chicken was making me sick. I guess it’s normal for where I’m at, but it sucked. I’m definitely feeling better, but I’m trying to incorporate some seafood into our meals this week to switch it up.

We both notice that the other has lost weight. I notice a difference in myself for sure. I don’t really weigh myself, so I’m not sure how much weight I lost, but I did take progress pics on the first day, so we shall see! (I think I was maybe 160 before starting??)

Another thing I’ve been battling is having enough energy for my workouts. Obviously, I’ve been eating a lot less carbs and sugar so I’ve felt a little sluggish on workout days. I have eaten quite a bit of sweet potato today, and I’ll have a banana before my workout today, so we will see how it goes!

Overall, I’m still not sure about the more energy deal (although today isn’t a good day to judge that considering we worked in the yard for 8 hours yesterday). But Many folks are saying it isn’t out of the ordinary for the added energy to not have shown itself yet.

Probably counter-productive, but I already have my celebration meal planned with my coworker–on day 31 we’re going to salsas! AND I’M GETTIN’ CHEESE DANG IT. I may even have it for breakfast, too 😉

 

 

Whole30 Diaries: Day7

UPDATE: Still have not eaten cheese.

This week has been interesting/stressful/enlightening all at once. I am actually tired of standing in my kitchen and my feet hurt. I’m happy I’ve been using my food processor more, but MAN. All this week, I’ve made dinner every night (except Saturday-that’s another story) and I’ve also made a handful of condiments and sauces and cut fruit and veggies, etc. This is a lot of work. Sure, I miss pizza, but the most mentally tolling part of this has been “Okay do we have snacks to eat?” “What do we have for lunches?” “HOW DID WE GO THROUGH A 36 PACK OF EGGS ALREADY??” In addition, Sam is a little lost in the kitchen and I get asked every meal (and snack time) “What should I eat???” (Love you, Sam!)

A little disclaimer that I think I should mention is that according to Whole30 Nazis, I’m not actually doing whole 30. It’s apparently “against the rules” to eat cauliflower pizza and make dessert even if I’m using Whole30 ingredients…WHY. ‘Because you’re supposed to be training your mind to not crave pizza and desserts.’ Guess what? I’m human. And I’m not eating seasoned chicken every meal. There is literally a Whole30 FB group you can join (you think you’re joining for support) that has these middle age women as admins who police you if you mention adding dates to your homemade ketchup for some sweetness….no thanks. My ideology is, ‘what’s the difference if you’re eating cauliflower as pizza crust or as a veggie side’?  You’re just rearranging the way you eat it. Similarly, it’s given us some insight into how we can incorporate veggies into our meals more and some healthier recipes overall.

Saturday Bolt went to the puppy ER, he’s doing better, but it was a stressful day. Knowing I was bringing him and had not eaten, I quickly heated up some leftovers and grabbed a Lara bar in case I was there a while (like 5 hours a while). I would be right in the heart of fast food on Grape Rd and I was not going to give in. Upon getting home that night, I heated up a frozen, Grass-fed, Whole30 hotdog (Sam made fun of me, because I froze them individually) ate some veggies, and called it a day. It really is all about being prepared.

Today I feel great, (and I haven’t had coffee yet!) but aside from day 1, this is the first day I’ve felt great. All week I’ve been exhausted, stressed (so much cooking and meal prep) and really lacked energy for my workouts (eating WAY less carbs). I’m going to try to eat some fruit before Pound tonight and see if that helps. I also broke out pretty bad days 4 and 5, but I think my face is on the mend (one of the main reasons I’m doing this). If I get through this whole thing and I don’t have radiant, commercial worthy, baby butt skin….I’m gonna throw a B**** F**.

The most interesting thing Sam and I have learned so far is that even though we would consider ourselves pretty healthy eaters overall, we haven’t been eating to fuel–we’ve been using food as a vice, or for hobby. And I have such mixed feelings about this! I LOVE food. I love to cook and create new things, I love to go to restaurants and try ‘weird’ things that other people created–it’s like an art form! But, at the same time, I’ve opened my eyes to how much sugar is in everythinggggg. Side note-if I’m giving you weight loss advice and I say “watch your sugar” it isn’t me assuming that you eat a lot of sugar, it’s me KNOWING it’s hidden in everything. Some things I found interesting that sugar was hidden in: tuna, salad dressing (no, like literally every flavor), sriracha…I could go onto some scientific spiel about how you should watch sugar for a month as opposed to calories and see how much weight you lose, but….you can google it for yourself 🙂

We have our dinners planned for the week and lunches frozen. As for breakfasts, we’re out of eggs and I really don’t feel like going to the store… #thestruggle

Whole30 Diaries: Day 1

Yes, I hopped on the Whole30 bandwagon. The girl who said “I could never give up cheese” gave up cheese. (It’s only day 1, we will see how that goes)

Although I’m not completely through my first day, I thought I should start documenting my progress and status. (No, I haven’t eaten cheese…yet).

I will say, I did not have my normal after lunch slump, like I normally do. I did run to the grocery store and get a few things, so I walked around quite a bit. I also had a salad for lunch, sooooo.

One of the items I was looking for at the store was a compliant salad dressing for said salad. You know my local grocery store has about 235 different salad dressing options and I found TWO that were compliant. WHAT. I think the biggest thing I’ve taken away is that sugar is just in everything…..that was the dressing issue. All the dressings I looked at either had sugar or honey added. I even went to grab some tuna packs to keep at work in case I forgot a lunch one day and the ones I grabbed had sugar added!

Overall, I’m somehow in a good mental state about this. We spent most of the weekend prepping and shopping. And I still have even more prep work to do still! A lot of the reading I was doing mentioned prep work–and how it’s the biggest inhibitor of success. Which, totally makes sense. Even when I wasn’t doing Whole30, if I forgot to bring a lunch I just jumped across the street to the cursed ‘Golden Arches’…. Even though it’s only day 1 I feel….cleaner? If that makes sense? And if that’s even possible? We shall see how the next 29 days go 🙂

it’s okay not not be okay

I don’t like not being okay.

Anyone with depression/anxiety knows how exhausting it is. Having a bad mental health day sucks the life out of you. You feel like you just ran a marathon with no prior training. You could sleep 9 hours, take two naps, and still feel exhausted. Not only that, but when you have high-functioning anxiety like me, you put on a mask for everyone. I’m a people pleaser and I don’t want to bring anyone down, being the ‘buzzkill’. So, no matter how much I’m hurting or struggling inside, I fake it. And THAT’S exhausting. Likewise, I don’t like writing blogs like this–I want to write more motivational pieces. On the same note, I kinda do…it’s a release. And maybe it will help someone else like me.

I’ve been working out and eating better since the 2nd (yes, I hopped on the cliche “New Year, New Me” wagon). I set a goal to workout at least 3x a week, do yoga at least 20 minutes a week, eat 5 servings of fruits and veggies a day, and drink 2 TBS. of apple cider vinegar each day. I also have been forcing myself to stay off my phone more (and that feels awesome!) And I’ve suck to it (still need to do yoga, which I’ll do after this post). You’d think I’d be feeling GREAT. And I’ve been feeling pretty good…until yesterday.

I felt so angry, so miserable, so exhausted, so defeated, so sad…WHY. Am I eating a cup of spinach a day for nothing?!! Well, I did some research and I guess this is normal. When you dramatically change your activity level and diet (even if it’s for the better) your body reacts just like quitting smoking. Your cells get used to the food and activity level you’ve been giving them. So when you change that, they freak tf out. It can effect mood and energy levels.  All of this coupled with my anxiety and depression is not a good mix.

However, I got some good advice when I told a good friend how I was feeling: “it’s okay to have those days”. It is? It is. I couldn’t convince myself of that yesterday, but looking back I agree.

I need to now take a minute to give my “you are beautiful” spiel. You don’t have to be a size 2, or completely mentally stable or be a vegan, or workout 8x a day, or have a mean contour to be beautiful. Love the body and the life you were given. Everything in life has a purpose–struggles, decisions made, weight gained, zits popped (lol). Accept your life. Be proud of what you’ve accomplished. Embrace your cottage cheese (cellulite) and stretch marks. FREAKING OWN it. Your body is your home, nothing else. It’s not meant to be a sex symbol or something made for someone else to critique. The best thing about you is that there’s no one else like you. Hold onto that.

It’s okay to have cellulite, it’s okay to eat pizza, it’s okay to not be okay.

anxious.

Have you ever had a panic attack while driving? Yeah me too.

But really, this did happen to me tonight.

Somedays I manage my anxiety much better than others. In fact, I was just telling my doctors a few days ago how good it’s been.

Here’s the thing about anxiety: if you don’t have it, you can read tons of blogs, much like this one, and still never truly understand the full impact of a panic attack. Hell, I don’t even fully understand it.

Here’s what happened in a nutshell: it was a more hectic than usual week at work-nothing unmanageable though, I was extra productive because my anxiety was higher than normal, my computer wasn’t working right after work, I had some muscle pain, had some caffeine, went to dinner and had a terrible experience, on the way home some driver got sassy with me and BOOM, it hit me. (No, not the driver). A panic attack. Shaking, short of breath, tunnel vision, heart racing–all while trying to drive home.

The thing that gets me is that it’s not even like I had a “bad” day. But that’s how it works. It’s unpredictable.

Usually, I can’t talk. Please don’t try to talk to me, or really even touch me. Just let me breathe. I just need time and space. I need to distract myself-music is usually the easiest way to do this. I picture the lyrics, word by word in my head…or a memory from when I heard the song. I just need to focus on something else. I’m going to be tired afterwards. I remember feeling like I just did a crossfit workout after my attack tonight. I won’t just ‘be okay’ after it’s done. I will probably seem off or irritable after I snap out of it.

Here’s another thing about anxiety-we all wish others would truly understand.  We’re not being dramatic, yes I’m exhausted, no I can’t control it more, yes something slight can trigger a panic attack.

The human mind is an incredible thing, but it’s scary not having control of your own thoughts.

reconnect

I don’t get out much.

When I say that, yes, I mean that I don’t live a wildly exciting social life. However, what I’m talking about in this case is not getting out into the wilderness much.

When I’m out in the woods, I feel a much deeper connection with myself. Sure, I’ve learned over the years to figure out my thoughts and psycho-analyze myself to a point. What I’m talking about is that feeling when you feel most yourself. You suddenly remember all of your deepest desires and wishes and all of your passions are rekindled. Yeah, that feeling. Which brings me to why I’m writing this post. I love writing. I also suck at writing. Alas, here I am.

Here’s the thing though, a good friend recently convinced me that writing is like a cadence. It should sound like your soul if it could speak on its own. So, I decided that my soul would speak of adventure and experience. What’s living if all you have to show is material possessions?

When I’m in the woods I’m free. It’s like walking through fog with weights on your ankles–always searching. Then suddenly, there’s a clearing and the weights come off. You find what you’ve been looking for.  The odd thing is you already knew what you were looking for, but you needed to reconnect to your innermost self–just a friendly reminder.

However, there’s a daunting aspect to this as well. What happens when I leave the woods? I don’t want the fog to return and the weights to hold me back. How can I keep my mind clear and my passions aligned?

I haven’t found the answer yet. But my feelings are that it starts with self-love and listening to what my heart and soul need. I will write a little everyday and question myself and my thoughts and my feelings. My majn goal for myself has always been to better myself, in any way I am able. As you know, no one is perfect.

 

The inspration for this blog is that good friend I mentioned. If you read her blog, I’m assuming you’ll see why I went to her for writing advice: http://Carolynngarthus.wordpress.com

why we should make more mistakes

mis·take
məˈstāk/
noun 1.
an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong.

have you ever looked this definition up? me either, until just now. and it’s very interesting to me. you see, I used to think I needed to be perfect. I needed to excel at everything and be beyond successful and never make…”mistakes”. never mess up, don’t mess up, it means you’re less than great. then, after one mistake-I don’t even remember what it was-I saw the light. and I realized mistakes are NOT ‘wrong’ or ‘misguided’. I utterly disagree with this definition. mistakes are learning tools. we should not be shamed for making mistakes. mistakes are what shape who we are and how we make future decisions and help us to grow as individuals!

child touches hot stove. child gets burnt. child doesn’t touch hot stove again.

I would not be the person I am today  without having made PLENTY of mistakes. yes, the ambitious go-getter with four jobs, working full time though school, being promoted to management positions before even graduating college…yep, me. and sometimes mistakes suck. but I love them. I learn so much. reflecting on tonight, I want to encourage more people to make mistakes. learn. grow. but NEVER let anyone, not even Merriam Webster, tell you you’re wrong or misguided for doing so.

namaste.

 

 

 

Choosing Happiness

It’s bizarre to me that my camping trip is already over. The driving I will not miss. Everything else I will replay over and over in my head, wishing I could do it all again. I created so many memories and milestones on this trip. First time camping in the UP, first time on an island, first time swimming in Superior and Huron, first time petting a bear, first time at a lighthouse…this trip was also the first time in a long time that I chose happiness. And you know, I realized life is full of choices. For instance, I chose to leave my work laptop at home and turn off my email notifications and I loved it. At my internship, their motto is: “God, family, then work”. I however, have been putting work before everything else. Don’t get me wrong, though-I’m extremely proud of my work ethic and and drive and I would not even be taking this vacation if I hadn’t worked my tail-end off. But this trip forced me to see a light. I have the rest of my life to work. This leads me to two points. One: if I’m going to be working the next 35 years I’d better like…no. I better LOVE what I’m doing. I’m not okay with sitting back, settling and taking bullshit anymore. Two-I’m going to work the next 35 years. I have 35 years to complete projects, respond to emails and add value to my workplace. I don’t have 35 years to spend with my sisters while they’re young. I don’t have 35 years to spend traveling the world. I don’t have 35 years to camp. You could say “#priorities”. My heart lies with adventure and freedom and that’s where it should stay. I chose happiness on this trip and I intend on choosing happiness more often.