I don’t like not being okay.
Anyone with depression/anxiety knows how exhausting it is. Having a bad mental health day sucks the life out of you. You feel like you just ran a marathon with no prior training. You could sleep 9 hours, take two naps, and still feel exhausted. Not only that, but when you have high-functioning anxiety like me, you put on a mask for everyone. I’m a people pleaser and I don’t want to bring anyone down, being the ‘buzzkill’. So, no matter how much I’m hurting or struggling inside, I fake it. And THAT’S exhausting. Likewise, I don’t like writing blogs like this–I want to write more motivational pieces. On the same note, I kinda do…it’s a release. And maybe it will help someone else like me.
I’ve been working out and eating better since the 2nd (yes, I hopped on the cliche “New Year, New Me” wagon). I set a goal to workout at least 3x a week, do yoga at least 20 minutes a week, eat 5 servings of fruits and veggies a day, and drink 2 TBS. of apple cider vinegar each day. I also have been forcing myself to stay off my phone more (and that feels awesome!) And I’ve suck to it (still need to do yoga, which I’ll do after this post). You’d think I’d be feeling GREAT. And I’ve been feeling pretty good…until yesterday.
I felt so angry, so miserable, so exhausted, so defeated, so sad…WHY. Am I eating a cup of spinach a day for nothing?!! Well, I did some research and I guess this is normal. When you dramatically change your activity level and diet (even if it’s for the better) your body reacts just like quitting smoking. Your cells get used to the food and activity level you’ve been giving them. So when you change that, they freak tf out. It can effect mood and energy levels. All of this coupled with my anxiety and depression is not a good mix.
However, I got some good advice when I told a good friend how I was feeling: “it’s okay to have those days”. It is? It is. I couldn’t convince myself of that yesterday, but looking back I agree.
I need to now take a minute to give my “you are beautiful” spiel. You don’t have to be a size 2, or completely mentally stable or be a vegan, or workout 8x a day, or have a mean contour to be beautiful. Love the body and the life you were given. Everything in life has a purpose–struggles, decisions made, weight gained, zits popped (lol). Accept your life. Be proud of what you’ve accomplished. Embrace your cottage cheese (cellulite) and stretch marks. FREAKING OWN it. Your body is your home, nothing else. It’s not meant to be a sex symbol or something made for someone else to critique. The best thing about you is that there’s no one else like you. Hold onto that.
It’s okay to have cellulite, it’s okay to eat pizza, it’s okay to not be okay.
kayyfizzle 